I’m starting to feel the fire inside me burning again
So, I’ve been quiet on the blog for more than a week, and although I’ve posted this on Facebook, I’ll post here as well.
My depression has improved again, ever since I got back home from Romania. Every event with survivors gives me a high, it’s an amazing feeling. I hate the term “getting high on life”, but that’s what it is in all honesty. However, previously, these highs only lasted a day, and then all that was left was the fatigue for a week or two. This time, after Romania, I went on for three days straight, not feeling too depressed or too tired. I pounced on this opportunity that I’d been waiting for, and I’m now actually exercising. I have a mountainbike I never got to use as much as I’d wanted. Now I can, and it’s loads of fun, even in the winter. All I need to do is lower the tyre pressure and it’ll be fine on snowy and icy roads. I only do between 10-15 minutes/day of cycling, now in the beginning. It’s important to start slowly, I don’t want another relapse.
Naturally, getting back to normal isn’t going to be easy this time around. I have fatigue to begin with, during this depression I’ve added a few more medications that makes you tired than I have previous ones, as this one was more serious. Also, the depression isn’t gone, it didn’t just vanish. It’s better though. It’s more manageable.
As a side note, I asked the psychiatrist if the psychiatric unit at the hospital could help me to deal with these fatigue-issues I have. She said no. She said I need to go to a local health clinic. My local health clinic only have two, quite frankly very, very incompetent psychologists (their third, competent one is leaving). Thing is, I can’t go to a different health clinic without listing myself at that clinic, and then I’d need to change GP. Yeah, that’s great for severely ill people, just change doctor because you need a more competent psychologist!
It’s just sad that not even the psychiatric unit gives a damn in helping me. I got one advice from the psychiatrist: “Start keeping a journal.” Sound advice, sure. Could I have had some more extensive advice perhaps though? No. I could though, after only three days. Like, when I feel tired, should I rest or go for a ride? In the morning: go for a ride. In the evening: not sure yet. I have to figure this out myself, with assistance from my current and very lovely GP (not being sarcastic, she’s the glue that holds my life together). Swedish truly has the best healthcare in the world! (40 years ago.) If it weren’t for the YCE and CHCF, I’d be alone here. I’m not though.
Anyway, this is an obstacle I’ll have to overcome, and I will, and I will do so finding my own way, meanwhile criticising the system and hoping for a change. Till then though, Sweden really needs to stop lying about how good our healthcare is. It’s simply not good anymore.
Also, another reason I haven’t posted for a while is that I’m going to start writing for another blog, as I mentioned about two months back (yes I can see the URL says menu instead of venue). That’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve written one new post, and polished up another three or four posts from this blog. Too many are about depression though. Still, I’m working on posts of a different nature (fatigue). Should be up soon™.
PS: I haven’t written about my visit to Romania, I want to and I hopefully will have time/energy to. If I don’t, I’ll sum it up briefly: It was an honour to be invited, travel to Romania, meet so many nice people. I had a lovely time <3