My project had to be cancelled, but I, or rather we, my family, found something else to do. I switched rooms with someone who goes to bed much later than me, to avoid waking me up. Now I have a room farther away from the hallway, with a door and four actual walls. The downside is that the room is smaller. I still wake up at times at 5AM for no reason. What to do?
During the years, I’ve collected an extensive number of gadgets – when you spend a lot of time at home, inside, you need to keep yourself busy. I was lucky – my mom had us kids insured – which means I did receive some money from the insurance company.
Moving the general stuff went quickly – managing the cables and other stuff is trickier. It’s not quite done as you can see but once I’m done I’ll have some pictures to share. You’ll notice a TV suddenly very oversized for this room and think “he’s clearly overcompensating for something”. That comment makes me a very angry, sir, and I find it very rude – my penis is of a perfectly average size, thank you very much!
This move was done mainly to make sure I get uninterrupted sleep as much as possible, as you all know this is very important for me at this stage. It’s always important of course but my antidepressants haven’t reached their full capacity and I’m phasing out my antianxiety medications, which make it crucial. I’m stable in the same way a small boat is stable – if you start rocking the boat, it doesn’t take much for it to flip.
I’m no longer being woken up by noise or pain, I did however wake up at 5AM for no reason – I was still tired but I couldn’t fall back to sleep, I wasn’t in pain, I just couldn’t sleep. I started to wonder why I suddenly have these issues – is it the antidepressants, could it be the reduction in the antianxiety medication? My new doctor is great to ask for advice and although she couldn’t tell me why I had troubles sleeping, she said it shouldn’t be about the medications. I kept wondering why and I concluded that I may be understimulated. I’ve had the same routine for almost three months – I go up, take eight pills, brush my teeth, eat breakfast (this one is relatively new), take another three pills, then I’d blog and maintain the blog. After that, I usually ended up watching a movie or TV-series, and to make matters worse, I watched ones I’d already seen, meaning even less new information for my brain to process.
I realized there was an actual difference though, between now and then. When I first started this blog, I had a lot of work to do outside of blogging – mostly because I wanted to do things optimally. I had to look for themes, which is harder than you might think. Those who read my post about running a self-hosted blog will know that it’s easy to find a theme that “works”, but if you want the full version that actually worked without compromise, you’d have to pay $70/year or a one-time fee of $40 per theme. I’m not willing to spend money on a theme, so I kept looking. I found Nirvana, which is free, customizable to a point that it may become confusing but also has a few pre-set themes, and if you’re artistic, you could make a My Little Pony-theme if you wanted – as well as one for True Blood. I’m not going to bore you with the other detailed changes you can make, suffice to say, it’s a lot. I did decide to donate 10€ to them, since I’ve used it for a month and I’m never switching. Probably.
I love to write – but writing is a lot less fun if you only have ten people reading what you write. As such, I tried to learn how search engines work in more detail. My site didn’t show up even if I Googled for it directly and I didn’t know how to fix it. I knew how new sites are found – sites are “crawled” by Google’s Googlebot and every time they find a new URL on a site they have indexed the new URL is added, and they’ll crawl the new site, eventually.
That wasn’t good enough for me, so I kept looking, trying to understand Google Analytics and what tools they offer. As it turned out, you can manually request Google to “crawl” your entire site, ten times per month, or an individual page 500 times per month. Then you have other more detailed ways you can help Google find you. I’m no expert on this so I’m not using it to its full capacity but suffice to say, there’s a lot of stuff going on behind the scenes that I experimented with. This process is called SEO, Search Engine Optimization, if you want to know more, so as to not bore you with these details.
This was a challenging but something I enjoy doing – learning how IT and gadgets work. However, after a while, less and less of this sort of optimization was required – and what was left was beyond what I felt I could handle. Although writing can be stimulating in its own, it’s not enough – it’s too narrow. I’m too tired to go out much and I’m understimulated – what’s the solution? New projects are always a promising idea, I’ve started to work on some custom images and banners for the site, but as I said, I’m not really artistic, but I’ll try though. Worst case scenario I’ll learn how GIMP works.
I finally concluded that I need more engaging impressions, that isn’t a “project”. I need more interaction. I need to be challenged on an intellectual level, be forced think fast and preferably also combine it with some sort of eye-hand coordination – but I also need to easily be able to just drop it if I get too tired. I’m a gamer, but I have barely played a game in four months and I’m long overdue – I believe videogames are the solution, at least those days where I truly have no other thing I need to take care of that can have a similar effect. It has worked thus far, but I haven’t tested it enough to say. I’ll get back to you to this. For those interested, my game of choice fell on Persona 5 for PS4, the regular one.
This other new project has been postponed but it hasn’t been cancelled – I’ll get back to you on that!
PS: When I say that “I” moved to a new room, I mean that everyone else moved everything for me while I was in my sister’s bed watching TV-series waiting for them to be done. I was still exhausted by the chaos. It’s fucked up, I hope this part gets better soon. I’m not a lazy person but I have so little energy. I won’t know why until I’m done with the medications though, so until then I’ll try to eat healthy, stay alive and simply accept that everyone else have to do everything for me… Sounds like a dream for those who could do something on their own but don’t have to, but when you simply cannot, it’s a nightmare because you’re dependant.
I’m still happy I’m getting better. How do you thank a doctor without being it becoming inappropriate? I owe all this to her. All of it.